Maybe, some people think that people with depression are crazy people. And maybe, close people even those who know me will ask "Why can someone be depressed?. It will be a long story.
Honestly, i consider my self to be one that handles stress badly. I always overthinking of what people say, insecure, i always feel fear, anxiety and i have trauma with words and attitudes from the nearest people and other people that i know in the past. If you ask me, Do you feel it now? Yes, i do, although just a little bit.
The first time i knew of depression was when i felt an unusual headache. Besides physical illness (in my ventricle brain and cervical symptoms), the doctor also said that i was psychologically ill (middle depression). *note: in this session, i just share about the depression that I've ever had not my other physical illness.
I realized that i've become an uncontrolled person when I'm angry, feeling sad suddenly, i always laugh but i feel sad too, i often slam stuff and myself when angry, and i have felt want to die and suicide.
I have a hard time and very difficult in a new situation. I'm having trouble. Struggling with emotional imbalances, trouble social relations, struggling with anxiety. Then i lost 10 kg drastically and suffered from stomach upset and incredible headache. Those caused me pain that i had never experienced before. Therefore, before i paid for my entire health and my life, i decided to change myself especially my mindset. For several months i was helped with medicine, must rest and several times consultation to psychiatrist. Besides that, i must keep my lifestyle and my food.
The psychiatrist said to me that i must tried to manage my emotions, tried to forget the past, tried to forgive dan accept my self. Then i just try to open my self, tried to communicate with others and kept writing in the diary. Because those are medicine.
And it heals me slowly and i feel better now. although, I'm still hard to keep telling other people when there is a problem or something stuck in my mind. Because difficult to trust others even my family. So, i manage it by talking with psychiatrist, writing in diary, throw negative thoughts with hobbies, hang out by myself and sometimes with my friend, do activities that i like, praying, sometimes crying, i trying to say something honest and do not pretend, i get to know myself (what i like and don't like, what i can and can not). And of course, keep in touch.
Keep surrounding me with positive thinking, positive activities and of course positive people, those help me to heal and improved. Now, I'm back, i can say that the hard times have passed. And when life offers me another mountain, I'll do what's best: deal with it.
I don't want to repeat the same thing in the future. I want to keep up my family, my friend, my children and people that i care. The depression has no face (you can not know until they are open), the support system is important and sometimes the body and mind need to take a rest.
I know everyone must have their own sad feelings, not only me. For that, I hope I don't judge other people quickly and be happy without hurting others. Keep on my way.
Sometimes it's ok to be not ok, take a breath, let it go and choose to be recovered and recover soon.
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